Helltower Hocus
by Vidar
Summary: It didn't take long before the mercenaries discovered the spells could grant whoever voiced their incantations strange abilities, so naturally each team utilized them in killing the opposition in new and creative ways.


Sniper discovered it first.

There was a slight lull in the fighting, partly because folks were going through respawn and partly because the carts holding the corpses of their employers were a considerable distance apart. The living members of each team had taken to pushing the respective carts for the mean time, but that wouldn't last long. Sniper seized the opportunity to find a new spot to scope the terrain - he'd just killed the enemy Scout for the fourth time in a row and knew the little mongrel would be out for his blood once he got back.

RED and BLU had been at it since nightfall, a strange mission even for them. The scraps of paper strewn about the battlefield turned out to grant whoever voiced their incantations strange abilities, so naturally the teams utilized them in killing the opposition in new and creative ways. All sorts of black magic was about, the voices of Redmond and Blutarch continuing to argue and bicker even in their undeath. So Sniper wasn't that surprised when an eerie green glow manifested nearby, leading a pathway over the cliff's side and forming a spectral bridge to the small, floating island. He tested it with one foot to find it solid and stable, and so made his way across the bridge.

Thoughts of having a new vantage point dispersed when he reached the little island and saw the book. It looked different from the bare tomes he was used to seeing tonight. Instead this one hovered in the air, a thick purple mist glittering around it. Sniper hesitated, memories of the Bombinomicon from the previous year still fresh in his head. But this book wasn't talking so he figured he might as well have a go at it.

Sniper touched the book and everything went white.

Somewhere, a clock chimed midnight.

* * *

><p>Engineer braced himself against a rock, shotgun ready to dispose of anyone his minisentry failed to take out. Medic, Scout, and Spy kept the cart in motion but soon the tracks would cross and they would come across the other team.<p>

"Hello, frauleins!"

"Ah, heck."

Scratch soon, more like now.

The enemy Medic grinned behind his Heavy, the Russian's gun barrel speeding up. Engineer dove out of the way just in time to avoid the same fate as his sentry.

"Crap!" said Scout. The others muttered familiar sentiment as they let go of the cart and went for their weapons. Medic fixed his own medigun's healing beam on Engineer but it was futile, the opposing Heavy already aiming at him.

There was a crack, like a peal of thunder but it wasn't from a gun. Engineer looked up to see Sniper standing above them on the rock formation, grinning in a way he'd never seen the marksman make before.

"I AM THE KING OF AUSTRALIA!"

The proclamation was accompanied by another crack of thunder. The ground began to rumble. The enemy Heavy and Medic's faces quickly turned to those of shock and then terror as they were lifted into the air like rag dolls. Blasts of lightning hit them, magical energy sizzling in the air. Everyone had to shield their eyes to avoid going blind, and even the Engineer's dark goggles didn't protect from the supernatural light show.

When it died down all that was left of the enemy was a greasy smear on the desert floor.

Engineer looked to Sniper in shock. He wasn't looking nearly as crazed now, instead slumped slightly against a rock with an odd, satiated smile on his face.

"Fascinating," said Medic, poking the stain with a boot.

"That was quite exemplary," Spy admitted, looking far more composed than he had a right to be. "And might I ask how you learned advanced magic on such short notice?"

"Yo Snipes, I'll agree: what the hell was that crap?!" said Scout.

Engineer cautiously touched Sniper's shoulder, unsure if he needed to be dragged to the dispenser. "You alright, Slim?"

"Yeah. Bloody great." He panted slightly and grinned again. "Look mates, that island that appeared out past the cliff? It's got this book and the spells it has in it are absolutely brilliant."

"Ze floating island?" said Medic. "How did you manage to get over zhere?"

"Dunno. Some green light came and made a bridge an' I was able to cross. We gotta get ourselves over there again and stock up."

"Hell yeah I want some of dat magic!" said Scout and took off without a glance back.

A minute passed by. Engineer took the opportunity to set up a new sentry while they waited for their teammates to return.

"You sure you're alright?" he asked his Australian companion.

Sniper waved a hand. "I'm fine, Truckie. It's just…holding that spell and casting it were really…"

"Arousing?" Spy smirked.

"Ah, blow it out yer rear. It ain't like that."

"Eet certainly _sounded_ like zhat."

"Oh yeah? Oi'd like ta see you handle that kinda power and keep all suave an' smarmy!"

* * *

><p>It turns out Spy didn't.<p>

"Oh…YESSSS!"

Then a glittering projection of Monoculus appeared, firing missiles of pure magic everywhere.

Spy looked on at the pandemonium. "Very nice," he purred.

After that it became priority: whenever the bridge to the island appeared everyone dropped what they were doing to stock up on the powerful spells within. The enemy quickly learned to do the same, and soon it became a race to see which team could hoard the biggest spells and deposit them all over the battlefield. Sometimes several minutes went by with both carts abandoned, their morbid cargo unmoving while the teams lobbed various spells and magical artillery. Those who emptied their spells first were sent back to pushing, provided they could avoid enemy spells long enough to make a difference. The question of where the spell books originated still remained.

"I dinnae ken how, but it's the Bombinomicon!" said Demoman. "I can feel it in my bones."

"Ve have not seen that troublesome tome," Medic reminded him.

"Doesn't matter! That bastard's got his hands—pages—in this!" He pointed across the field where Soldier had just unleashed a small army of skeletons. "I remember these spells! I seen them when I was but a wee lad! They're from the Bombinomicon, I tell ye!"

"Less talk, more pooshing little cart!" snapped Heavy next to him.

Oddly enough Demo, Heavy, and Soldier weren't that overwhelmed by the effects of the superspells. Medic suspected it had to do with those three already being able to utterly cut loose on a daily basis, reducing their enemies to paint on the walls. It was something they were used to, so naturally while the power was thrilling and fun for them it wasn't quite at the level the Sniper and Spy experienced.

Scout and Pyro too just thought it was really cool. After he had left for the island, Scout had returned a minute later, eyes bright with magic. "Hey, has the enemy respawned yet? I am a freaking WIZARD!"

Pryo had similar sentiment once they were able to partake, or at least they had seemed to be pleased. It was more difficult than usual figuring out their speech because they had smuggled a kazoo into their mask and talked constantly through it. The rest of the team wasn't sure if it was Pyro's own bit of fun, some part of a costume they were working on, or a political statement.

And nobody asked.

Finally a time came when Medic was able to slip away to the island while the green bridge was up. Nobody else was around, thanks to the Demoman's sticky bombs and a few lucky critical rockets from the enemy Soldier. He advanced towards the book, a mixture of apprehension and anticipation roiling in his gut. Medic had been fascinated with magic ever since the teams first encountered ghosts and the supernatural four years ago. He loved studying it, despite not being magical himself, trying to see about incorporating it into his own medicine.

He bit his lip as his gloved hand touched the spell book, and gasped as everything went white.

Power.

Raw, wicked power surged into him. It was like he had been cast an Übercharge from every single one of his mediguns at once. Adrenalin surged through him but there was no fear, no anxiety, just power and energy and dear god it had to be used. It's what it was meant for. It's what _he_ was meant for.

Laughter bubbled up from his throat. He welcomed it. He laughed like the maniac he was. Oh, he had to find the others.

It didn't take long before he found them, trying to keep the other team from pushing their own dead man down the tracks.

"Today I AM A GOD!" he shrieked.

* * *

><p>Engineer patrolled around the barn. His sentry had gone off but he had yet to find a body. A trail of blood led him around a pile of crates - empty of hats, Soldier had checked – to find the enemy Spy.<p>

The opposing Frenchman slumped against one of them, his arms folded over his stomach in agony.

"Well, howdy," said Engineer amiably.

"Bonsoir, Laborer," said the enemy Spy, wincing. "I don't suppose you could finish?"

Engineer raised an eyebrow. "Not putting up a fight?"

"This wound is fatal. I cannot reach aid in time. Especially, if going by the sounds, someone on your team is currently spewing hellfire everywhere."

"Sounds like our Doc."

"Oui."

"Well, can't blame a man for being practical," said Engineer. He withdrew his handgun and put a bullet between the Spy's eyes. He waited until the body vanished, taken by respawn. He wasn't worried about a Dead Ringer trick, if his enemy had that on him he would have already used it with the sentry.

He stuck his head out of the barn. In the distance there were indeed pillars of fire raining down. With it Engineer could hear the ecstatic shrieks of Medic. That would keep the other team away from the barn for a few more minutes. A flicker of green light caught his eye. The bridge was back up. He cautiously made his way across, not entirely trusting whatever it was that was keeping him from plummeting to his death. He was a sensible man, a man who liked to understand what he was dealing with. The bizarre missions the team seemed to fall into at the end of every October were a conundrum for him. That wasn't to say he enjoyed a good puzzle, he just didn't experience the sheer delight at his inability to fully understand magic and its properties, unlike Medic.

There was the spell book, open to a page and glowing purple. Engineer looked around once more to ensure no one from the other team was nearby.

He touched the book, just barely able to perceive the feel of ancient paper before the symbols on it glowed and bathed him in light.

Engineer grinned, blue eyes shining behind his goggles.

"I. Am. A. _God_."

* * *

><p>In the end it was a tie, to the surprise of no one.<p>

Blutarch and Redmond had both gotten what they wanted, and what they deserved. The Mann brothers decided to drag both teams to Hell with them and - more importantly - they refused to pay either team for their efforts as promised. Luckily Demoman had been right, the Bombonomicon had been involved and greeted the eighteen mercenaries in Hell before promptly kicking them out. Back on Earth dawn had broke, and both the mysterious bridge as well as all spell books vanished with the sun's light. The two teams trudged back to their respective home bases, exhausted and unpaid.

But they had plenty of time to get some rest.

They still had 364 days until next Halloween.

**END**


End file.
